13 Alternatives Waxing or Shaving

When you know a 42 year old who drops dead of a heart attack, the notion that life is short becomes a tangible and urgent concept. You begin to think about what you want to accomplish in your hot minute on earth and how you want to be remembered.

You wonder what your mark on the planet is going to be. Maybe you’re parenting an exceptional child or have developed an advancement in cancer immunotherapy. Maybe you’ve fostered rescue dogs for the last decade or have raised significant funds for children in Haiti. Maybe you’ve just had your first week in over a year without a debilitating migraine and you’re happy to finally be able to enjoy an afternoon in the park, cool grass on the soles of your feet.

The maybes are infinite and there’s no wrong answer. But I’m willing to bet that no one’s headstone ever read: “Smoothest genitals ever.”

Yep. I’m talking about Mortality and Pubes, people. Bear [bare?] with me.

I’m turned on the by the sight of a bare vulva as much as the next person. Bare cock & balls? Not so much. A courteous, mild hedge trim is my preference. Nonetheless, when it comes to my own grooming, it boils down this: every hour of our waking lives is fraught with choices.

I’m generally overwhelmed by the question: how shall I allocate my limited resources—limited time, limited energy, and limited funding?

Perhaps if I wanted to attract new partners, I would do all that I could to present myself in the most fetching manner. If I knew my passé patch of ringlets was a major turn off to my special someone, sure, I’d devote some energy to taming the mini tresses. As it is, my circumstances don’t require a big focus on cosmetic enhancements.

I know what you’re thinking: be diligent, woman. Complacency in relationships leads to abandonment. Sigh. The thing is, I’ve got work to do. Remember? I’m thinking about my mark on the planet. The epitaph I’m going for isn’t: “Devoted wife.”

But you’ll end up alone.

Is that why so many people religiously mow, pluck and prune? Fear of ending up alone? It’s more comforting to imagine that they’ve grown addicted to the warm, ripping, stinging sensations of waxing. I don’t know. I’ll have to read the other essays at Kink of the Week to find out.

Please trust me when I say that if you are a devoted remover of hair, I’m not judging you. If you’ve photographed yourself in whatever state of hairy or hairlessness you are, I’ve probably marveled at your beauty. And for that I say, Thank you.

So what am I doing with my woolly-ass self? How am I attempting to make my shaggy mark? Hopefully, under one name or another, I’ll create a piece of writing that has a significant, positive impact to more than a few people. I believe the best way to do that is to cultivate my existence as an artist. Every action, every day goes into that.

13 Things I’d Rather Do Than Groom My Pubes: 

1. Walk around my city and notice the plants, dogs, children and Maseratis. (I’m a sucker for a sleek Maserati.)
2. Meditate. Salute the sun. Hang out in shavasana enjoying some good old pranayama.
3. Read short stories, creative nonfiction, novels, and poems.
4. Write short stories and creative nonfiction.
5. Dine out among candlelight to savor zesty spices and complicated cocktails.
6. Enjoy time with my spouse. (Mutual grooming is not on our list of preferred activities.)
7. Learn from lectures, talks, classes and shows.
8. Travel to new places.
9. Play with our pets.
10. Talk with friends.
11. Sing and dance.
12. Visit family.
13. Sleep, dream, restore.

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Photo: Public Domain.

Read more fab Wicked Wednesday “Choices” entries here!

Read more fab Kink of the Week “Pubic Hair” entries here!