Michelle is hiding between my bed and the wall with my dolly’s baby bottle stuffed inside her underwear. It’s nap time. I can’t see what she’s doing but I hear her muffled rocking. I’m pretending to sleep. I don’t know why, but for years I can’t stop thinking about that bottle. At night I secretly roll onto my tummy and ball my blankie into a hump between my legs and imagine things I’ve never seen. Things like the nipple of that dolly bottle kissing my private skin.
Andrew Martin puts his hand on my leg just above my bare knee and keeps it there. I pretend not to notice but I’m so! Happy! He’s touching me. Andrew Martin is touching me! The school bus bumps along now that it’s turned left into the gravel zoo parking lot. My highest life goal is kisses in the gorilla house. Or the reptile house. Today may be the day.
Danny can skate backwards which is not even my favorite thing about him. My favorite thing about him is that he has every single Elvis Costello CD and most of the losers in our class think there’s only one Elvis. Now Danny’s hands are gripping my hips and my hands are on his knobby shoulders and we’re making our bagillionth lap around the rink during the last Couples’ Skate of the night. He’s pressing his thumbs up and down my hip bones through my jeans. I want to lean in and kiss him, but I’m not that good of a skater.
I pull Ricky’s dick out of my mouth right before he comes. He’s past caring. Until the gunk squirts all over his mother’s backseat. Thank god it’s leather.
Ricky’s roommate has gone skiing so we have three days alone. I don’t put on clothes the entire time.
Rick calls me Dr. now just because I finished my dissertation first. Normally I respect the cab drivers too much to play in their taxis, but on the way back from my hooding, I’m so happy I unlatch the seatbelt, pull my gown up and straddle my love. His penis is out and pressing against my slippery vulva. Before he pushes inside, he whispers, “Oh Doctor, fuck, I love you!”
Bobby fingers my clit in perfect speedy circles while his cock pumps my cunt from behind. He’s coordinated that way. I attribute his dexterity to the fact that he’s a bartender. Shaking martinis does wonders for one’s hand-job muscles. He thinks that if he makes me come again this morning I’ll give him an extra day to finish the final paper. He’s wrong. In comes a nipple squeeze, the other hand not even leaving my clit. Dexterous and agile? Now his fingers slide along my vulva, rubbing in perfect time with his penis. The rhythm varies just enough, but mostly gets faster. He stops short of coming and flips me onto my back, cradling my head into a deep kiss.
Edward’s kids are with their mother this weekend. The least she can do for our fifth anniversary. He has spared me last year’s big surprise: a Remote-Controlled Vibrator Michelin Restaurant Experience, thank god. I told him it was hideously Roman to try and pack that much pleasure into one moment. “Romantic?” “No, Roman!” How could I enjoy a good béarnaise when my cunt was exploding? The very attempt could collapse an empire. He said, “The end is imminent, my love. Dance with me.”
“Hurry up,” Ed says. Dammit, he knows I can’t come just because he wants me to. We’re in our bathroom with the fan on to camouflage the sound of his hips slapping into my bum. The kids and their kids are around the table at New Year’s dinner waiting for dessert. Ed and I contrived excuses to happen to step away in the same pocket of time. We’ve been waiting all year for this silly game we promised ourselves, planned it over monkfish at Telepan, have gotten so many bursts of giggles at the thought of this one sneaky fuck. Now that he’s ramming into me with the delicacy of someone trying to remain quiet, I realize our plan was better in theory. In the bathroom mirror I see him standing behind me with his eyes closed, biting his lower lip. He’s concentrating so hard and I love him for it. “Baby?” I say. He keeps thrusting and says, “Yeah?” “Let’s go serve the cheesecake.”
Since Ed’s bypass, our favorite position is spooning. Much easier on the arms and knees. Plus, leaves room for my vibrator to slide over my clit and along my vulva. He squeezes my lowest breast letting his forearm hug the top one; breathes into the back of my neck and I feel immersed in his love, in the presence of his body. He is here now. I am here now. Today we are alive.
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